i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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