i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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