my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
