I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
