doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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