I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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