Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
