from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
