How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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