Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
