Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
