fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
