Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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