Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
