Got a toothbrush?
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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