I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
