A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
