Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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