Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
