Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
