I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
