Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
