I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
