I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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