I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
