I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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