U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
