i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
