hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
