Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
