so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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