People in love make me want to vomit
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
