Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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