I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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