but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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