Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
