She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
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