Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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