exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I just threw up on my dentist
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Girls should come with a carfax report
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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