i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I've blown a few things in my day
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
