I wish my penis had an off switch
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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