i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
