I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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