I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
