Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
