they need to just BURY HIM!
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
