wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
