So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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