He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
