When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
no, he came in my armpit
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
