i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
